Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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