she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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