I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
