i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
