Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
