the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
