yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Randomize
