that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
