I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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