When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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