i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
