Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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