I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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