some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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