So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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