I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.