Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
