I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
