He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.