I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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