The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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