He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
