he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
