There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
