Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
