My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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