Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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