we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
