dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As shirtless as possible
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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