we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
