I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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