I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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