yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
