My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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