Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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