i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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