The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
