I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I supernannyed him into submission
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
