so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this boner is exhausting
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
