good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my liver is dry heaving
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
