It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
