21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
