I think i peed on brittanys purse
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
