She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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