I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
