i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
