DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
