you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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