Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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