Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
