Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
