I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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