On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
