my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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