Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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