There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
