part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
