i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
