So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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