my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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