So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
