hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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