Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
