it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize