i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you had me at cake vodka
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
