I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
