He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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