at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
