she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
