you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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