Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
